My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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