Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
