i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
