I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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