Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
