whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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