I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
