We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
