How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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