Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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