if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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