Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
