I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Mom said you looked used
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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