Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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