oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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