Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.