You made me cry and you don't even care
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Vodka?
Forever.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
