I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?