sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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