I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
