so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
