you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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