one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
