oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
