I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
