Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
