He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
