He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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