woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
