Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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