Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize