If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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