i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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