We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
