i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
