I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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