That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
