The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
