and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
