i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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