He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
