nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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