Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize