dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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