My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
