guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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