im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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