i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
