my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
