mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
