ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
