Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
