There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
