I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
