I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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