it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you inspire me to be a worse person
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
