My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
