I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize