i wish my penis had a tongue
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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