Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
is wine microwaveable?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
