Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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