You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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