Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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