She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
