you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
