she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
