you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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