YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
