Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
