96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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