You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
