I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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