worst night to have a conscience
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
