So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
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Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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