Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His nipple licking is glorious
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