Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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