I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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