the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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