Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
