A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Be still, my beating vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
