If i come over, it means nothing
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
