Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
