your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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