I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
