the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
