didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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