i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
