I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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